And to celebrate the advent of The Dram awards this month’s column is going to wilfully ignore the rail strikes, the miserable weather, supply issues and all of the other summer bugbears. Instead, I’ve been asked by the Publisher for a list of my all time top 10 Scottish pubs. The hard bit was knowing which ones to leave out – but I made the one crucial entry qualification that they had to have something impossibly unique – a star quality almost impossible to manufacture. So here they are in no particular order. And good luck to all entrants as award season is with us once again.
ALLISON ARMS, POLLOKSHAWS ROAD, GLASGOW Frankie Boyle once wrote that Jeremy Corbyn reminded him of “those old drinkers you see haunting a new bar because they used to go to the pub that was there before”. I’m reminded of this quote whenever I’m in The Allie which serves an easy mix of veteran regulars and trendy Strathbungo under 40s. The real magic of the place is that I reckon any newcomer would be hard pressed to say whether it’s an old man pub which has “gone hipster” or a failing hipster place which is starting to attract a more, ahem, seasoned crowd. When you think about it there are lots of Pub Things which please both constituencies (questionable décor, IPA, old-fashioned price boards, dogs). And as someone who could reasonably be seen as a bridge between these two communities I love the Allison Arms for bringing all of this together.
TIGH AN TRUISH, ISLE OF SEIL This one is located close to the Bridge Over The Atlantic which sounds either like a massively ambitious New York art installation or a desperate windswept feature of Craggy Island. In fact, it’s one of the most beautiful and soulful views in an unspoilt Scotland which thankfully appears to remain forever pickled. As I tend to do myself whenever I’m in the Tigh An Truish. Regrettably this has not been for some time but with a recent renovation and an exciting-looking new menu, a return to rub shoulders with locals, trippers and the boaty crowd is very high on the to-do list. Can’t wait.
THE ROAD HOLE BAR, ST ANDREWS, FIFE Because it is both the most overused and frequently misused word in the English language, I will refrain from employing the word iconic in this description (apart from when I did just then). If anyone knows of a better place to have a drink with both one of the world’s most storied international sporting arenas and the location for an Oscar-winning movie forming the backdrop I’d love to hear it. And I don’t even like golf. The pricing isn’t what you’d call inclusive but the best thing about once in a lifetime venues? You only have to go once in your lifetime.
THE SPEEDWELL BAR, PERTH ROAD, DUNDEE A favourite for over 30 years and I’m gratified so many of the ones with a place in my heart (and liver and sometimes lungs) have lived to tell the tale. With its L-shaped bar and very traditional interior the Speedwell became a favourite of students but that shouldn’t be held against it. A proper community pub (in all of the best senses of that phrase) in the heart of the city, next year will mark the 120th since the first drink was served.
THE BARE STORY, COWGATE, EDINBURGH (DECEASED) Nine out of 10 of the places on my list are still operating but if asked for my favourite Scottish pub of all time, The Bare Story might just be it. To be honest I think the mind might just be playing tricks and I wonder if it actually existed (it’s thrillingly unfindable on Google). The odd name was an anagram of its brighter-starred sister The Oyster Bar and was marked by a weird sculpture of a naked figure reading a newspaper. It was the 90s. Nailing it as a Britpop-era palace for the under-30s, it had French table football, and a killer jukebox. And to place The Bare Story right in its “30 years ago” heyday, the regulars used to hush nightly when The Simpsons came on. In the pre-Netflix era the cartoon was watched by a transfixed pub audience with the volume up, as if it was live sport.
COSMOPOL, HOPE STREET, GLASGOW This one would not have made the list without a fairly recent – and radical – change in its door staff. Previously featuring heavy-handed bouncers, the new staff are so friendly they are a big part of the whole Cosmopol. Although I did raise an eyebrow when one told me last month that they’d “never let anyone in who has a drink in them”. The dedicated karaoke tribe who have adopted Cosmopol as their home make this a must-visit after hours in Glasgow.
THE CASTLE TAVERN, VIEW PLACE, INVERNESS This is one of those pubs that you’ll know even if you don’t know it, if you know what I mean. The centrepiece of a fork in the road in the city centre, the Castle makes great use of all its available space even finding room for an atmospheric beer garden at the front. I’ve never met a local with a bad word to say about the Castle Tavern in a city where the denizens are – pleasingly – pretty rapid about coming forward with an opinion or two. The menu isn’t too ambitious and offers up less than inspired pub staples. But hey: sometimes that’s exactly what’s required.
THE JINGLIN’ GEORDIE, FLESHMARKET CLOSE, EDINBURGH A bit self-indulgent this one, as there’s nothing particularly out of this world about The “Jingler”. But this is my list and for a good four years I spent more time here than I did in my own home. Which may not have been a terrifically good idea, but there we are. For journalists of a certain vintage, this place this was a staff canteen, meeting place, panic room and nightclub. It had its own phone box. I wish someone could have taped all the excuses heard within its confines… It still exists and as it’s halfway up a steep close it would be rude not to pop in if you are ever walking the steps between Market and Cockburn Streets.
THE CAVENS ARMS, BUCCLEUCH STREET, DUMFRIES Warning: Real Ale people lie within. Despite this though, the Cavens is one of the best in the south west letting the beer, cocktails and food do the talking: not some dubious Rabbie Burns connections like some others in the town. A relative newcomer (our only millennial on the list) it enjoys a great location near one of Dumfries’s four bridges and a mere walk away from the international sporting mecca that is Palmerston Park, home of Queen of the South football club.
TABAC, MITCHELL LANE, GLASGOW I should hate this place. It’s hyper-trendy , permanently rammed and – let’s face it – incredibly pretentious. It takes ages to get served and the men’s urinals appear to be a repurposed animal trough. Yuck. It does, though, have great clientele and a fantastic staff and for this much can be forgiven. On a good night when it starts to buzz and the windows open its atmosphere is unlike anywhere else in Scotland.
TOP FIVE OUTSIDE SCOTLAND: Bodeguita Del Medio, Havana AJ Hudsons, Chicago Albert’s Schloss, Manchester CSA, Berlin Bar Nestor, San Sebastian